that You are not left alone?(True, life story )

I don't wanna be left
In this war tonight
Am I alone in this fight?
Is anybody out there?
Don't wanna be left left in this world behind
Say you'll run to my side

-K'NAAN feat. Nelly Furtado- Is anybody Out there-

This is what reminded me of my not so good past,

 but kinda gave me a comforting

 feeling. What by that time I Would not feel

but now with time changed my view on it. 

Ezigbo ụbọchị! - And welcome to the story of my life. So, do You know what means bullying ?- being bullied ? Verbally or physically ?  Well I know too. 

This is a story of me from the begging, to the point where I broke it .

P.S. I'm writing this because I barley found a place where there was a story of strong bullying with a happy ending. I just want to share how  I transformed from the girl- living punchbag, to social freak, then the bully of bullies and finally, just a normal person.

The Beginning

The beginning is easy, turned 6 started school,played , learned, got punched, came back with blue spots, broken things, made fun of. Quite usual scene right?

Well for me it was. And the worst part was- I never triggered a fight , not like I could control it- I was made fun of being different- darker, darker eyes, eyebrows, skin not pale or nicely brown tanned skin  (then I did not knew that I am a half Roma :) ) I was different, from most of those perfect latvian kids. + I was very thin and shy (actually I was scared of people) . The Bullying went into two forts 

1. Girls- Mostly verbally abusive, sometimes also light punches.

2. Boys- who where mean and used to Physically attacked me .

What did the grown ups do? they basically did that what was by that time normal and pedagogically painted as correct(LV is a post soviet Country what means when I was small, grown ups barley knew what it is to be socially or otherwise discriminated, not to mentions bullying ) , So I was said, to be patient, not to trigger more aggression,and try to take away from them the reasons why they bully me (hmm a six year old, has to think of how to change its color ???:D)

I did so, but it did not change------so one spring day some of my classmates followed me after school (On my way home there was a big deep Pound). As it was spring the sun had melted halfway the ice. so my classmates told me to climb the ice, if I don't want to get beaten up. As they where 3 and I one , my choice was clear. So I climbed on it. and the boys started to throw stones at me, so to force me to go closer to the place where the ice was so thing it started to break. I was in the middle of the pond and no grown ups around to see what was going on. The ice broke. the boys got scared and run away. I felt the cold, the fear, the moment where Your limbs start to have cramps. (As my mom is a swimming instructor and a life guard I been thought every possible thing what concerns water ), I got out. went home. Gave my mom almost a heart attack. And then my mom realized it was serious. The fact that I saved my self kinda gave my class mates respect, but kinda also scared them so I was left alone, no one contacted me, no one sat with me, no one really noticed me .
It was like that for quite some years...I was the greyest of the grey mice, the most invincible from the invincible ones. I was alone.
So I was 13 and met some girls, so called "BAD'' girls.  
And they took me up in their group, I met lot of people, who could not understand why do the "others'' (By others where ment all the people from upper class those who don't know any thing about street survival)  they liked me, the real, natural me. They build up my self-confidence, They gave me shelter. They became my family. As family we stood together. We did thing together.Now I realize-not so good things. 
Stage 2 starts.
I got bullied by revils and people who where scared of us . Same old story, beaten up, several times got struck by a knife, seen people loose limbs or life... Seen things. But I still had my family who believed in me. I understood I have power actually . So what do you do? You turn back and take revenge. I did so for a while, when my first police charge appeared and I got a guardian angel, A police woman who took her time for me and others. If You heard the story about that the police just want to arrest you and they don't care, Know for the majority it is true. But she was  different. After finding out I have a huge talent in languages (by that time I knew 5 languages now they are 8 ) she gave me a second chance. I took it.
And here comes the transformation [ A story after ]

I took my chance, I managed my anger, my pain, I found God.

Yeah sound cheesy , But by this time(I was 16 or 17) I got to understand one, why do people bully and that there actually is no way how to escape or stop it. that is just human, for some, because they have problems on their own. Unfortunate for the one who gets it.

What can help You? Forget about those who hurt YOU and don't show them Your weakness, better show them where they are wrong about you. Be Yourself, sooner or later You will find Your own group of people. Who will show you that You are actually quite nice. So did I . I found my best friends my family . I got the courage to help those who are still lost . I started small, and worked my self up from a voluntary in  police, charities, and just being a person to whom to talk to.

I understood no mater how bad the situation is, You will get out, you just have to fight for it.

I did it, and I still do. And I know You will too. 

You are not left alone, You just have to look out for us, US-the others who know what that means , who wont tell you just to avoid them or to talk to them